Perhaps, everyone that I have met with in my life and had a conversation about wellness, I have perceived that they are hollow and grave deep inside. Life had been very good to me until later I too, joined up with ~depression~ in my teen age and just like a lot of you, I did not want to acknowledge it.
In my eyes, I had no right to be depressed. But here’s my story and how I deal with it…
What the hell is Depression, anyway?
Depression is real, it is a beyond ordinary sadness filling the mind with darkness and gloom and bringing us down emotionally.
It is not feeling low for an hour or two in a day. It is not a happy place. It is not something you can exalt or glorify.
It’s feeling OK in not rescuing yourself from getting wasted away. It is feeling entrapped and arrested if you have to deal with a loved one over a petty fight eventually inhibiting your fight/ flight defenses.
It is like accidentally dropping your phone down, and instead of picking it up you throw yourself down to cry your heart out. Makes no sense, truly.
Depression is a Big word
A WHO report from Nov, 2019 says that “India is the most depressed country in the world.”
The study also states that at least 6.5 percent of the Indian population suffers from some form of serious mental disorder.
The increasing cases of mental problems in our country have been attributed to the lack of mental health workers like psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors and more importantly, families that make an attempt at normalizing and acknowledging it.
It wouldn’t be looked at like a taboo after all, if everyone who feels like it shares their stories shedding light on how big a proportion of us are living with it.
What Depression can do to you?
There should be no stigma when it comes to getting healthy – is a lot easier said than done.
Sometimes – I want to feel excited. Feel hopeful. I acted to make myself believe. I waited and waited to get thrilled about something, but it simply never happened.
I’d tell myself “I am just too tired working. My period must be due. It’s just that I haven’t gone out on a vacation for long now”
I ate everything all day or almost nothing some days. I ached badly for all the sadness that seemed to be so profound in my body making me feel worthless about my very existence.
It may look like it’s here to stay and paralyze you further when you start to believe that this is the normal of your life. I found myself blaming something that’s external to me as the reason for these feelings. And although, the entire experience can be hurtful, of all arguably how it can affect daily life can be bad causing significant negative effects on daily routines – awkward social behavior, avoiding conversations with friends or colleagues to name a few.
And sometimes, you probably don’t want to live to see another day just because it’s too tiring.
If you seem to resonate with any of the feelings mentioned in here, I urge you to be wary and breathe. Refrain from indulging in disrupting habits like alcohol consumption. And if you can’t find a place to go, probably see a doctor and be unapologetic about it.
A Fresh New Attitude
A healing story is a messy thing. As I learn my way out through dark times like these, I am growing empathetic and stronger emotionally. I am learning to make opinions about things, indulge in self-care and not let depression define who I am. I know that my soul years for something big and extraordinary which will define the purpose of my life.
It is vital to know that battling depression is essentially winning the war over your feelings. Feelings are here to stay and we can never get rid of them. We can line them up with our decisions and choose to make them our strength, which they are.
None of us can control the circumstances around us and one can never hide away from pain or disappointment permanently. But the good thing here is you can come to the due season, put a new song in your heart, break your chains, feel joy and experience a passion for your life!
The one thing that always lies in our control is – “our choice.” Begin again! A new level is coming.
Let us talk about your story. Stories that have helped transform your souls and left back exemplary responses….it can be very healing.
Refer to my initiative – www.gracefulsouls.in. I would love to feature your stories here.
Write to me on firstname.lastname@example.org / IG : sarella_sreeja